“Here you go, way too fast, if you don’t slow down you’re gonna crash…” sang The Primitives back in *gasp*1988 (yes, it really was that long ago). While I haven’t actually crashed and burned, I’m definitely in amber-warning ‘crash about to happen’ territory (a rather splendid song from Brett Anderson). Things are getting forgotten about, things are getting missed and, worse, there’s an increasing list of things I simply can’t find time to do. One of which is find time to talk to the man I’m married to. Our longest conversation during the last seven days took place five minutes before the start of the church meeting on Tuesday. Before that, it was a series of one-sentence affairs as we passed each other between commitments, and for the last four days it’s been via text message as he’s been away. Looking at the calendar, it’s actually going to be next Friday before we can talk to one another; but we’re out that night, so it’ll have to wait until Saturday. Let’s hope we don’t have to deal with anything crucial, eh?
But it isn’t simply about not being able to speak to my other half, it’s a wider problem which runs right through my life. I am too busy and I have very little ‘down’ time. I never get chance to listen to the radio, watch the TV or even spend much time reading a news website. As a result I feel disconnected from the world and I increasingly live in one of my own making, one that is largely Facebook and Twitter-dependent and contracting inwards all the time.
There are things I can’t change, such as commitments that I have. But, equally, there are things that I can change and it’s here that I have to deal with a very big problem… I really don’t like letting people down. I don’t like the idea of something that I’ve given up meaning more work for other people. When I say I’ll do something, barring a catastrophic event, I will do it. Therefore extracting myself from anything is something I do with the heaviest of hearts. I am also going to have to learn to say ‘no’ – not something I’m good at, because again, I don’t like the feeling that I’m not doing my bit.
Is this something that anyone else struggles with, or are the rest of you quite able to jettison things with no guilt at all?
For the next few weeks I’m going to be prioritising some key things: My faith, my family and my writing. If it doesn’t appear under one of those headings then for a time at least it’s going to have to come out while I make sure that the rest is working correctly. I also need to pay attention to myself. My sleep is up the yingyang again, I am achieving very little in the way of regular exercise and my eating… well, the less said about that the better. I am constantly stressed and under pressure in a life that really shouldn’t have much pressure in it at all. I talk to Facebook walls more than I speak to my family and that in anyone’s book is just plain wrong.
But this doesn’t mean I’m disappearing completely, I’m just focussing on what needs to be done. Writing is important to me, my blogs are important to me and once I’ve posted them I need to publicise them, so I’ll be posting to my Writer’s Page and Twitter. I just won’t be on there cluttering up your newsfeed with my increasingly gin-soaked ramblings. Every cloud… 🙂
Hopefully this means I’m a crash averted, not a crash about to happen. Take it away Mr Anderson…